Our First Roller Derby

Last night we went to our first roller derby bout. I took pictures but they didn't really come out all that well. So I just posted this one from Wikipedia, because it's super cool. Dad couldn't come because he and his fellow keyboard mercenaries were saving America from the ravages of poorly trained web developers.

Well he missed out, because his favorite things are heavily made up death chicks in fishnet hose. He prefers them accessorized with automatic weaponry, but I don't think he would have been too let down. These girls may have to get permits to carry around their own hips and shoulders if a democrat gets wind of their lethal nature. The EMT had to come out to the center of the rink at one point. A few times the children had an opportunity to study the effects of speed, rotation, inertia, and deflection, and what a nasty run a girl can get in her stocking when she goes careening into a crowd on a waxed floor at 50mph. I also pointed out to them how people in crowds naturally revert into a sort of fetal position when this happens. My kids were on the other side of the wall, because I don't believe they use that instinct enough.

They understood only the basic rules, because I taught them while we were in the car all the things I had learned on Wikipedia 15 minutes before we left.

We were proud to have our own jammer friend to cheer for. She was fast too. Like butta. Josie told our jammer at the end of the bout that she won it for her team. It looked that way to me too. Josie says she'd like to be in roller derby when she grows up. I had to remind her that she couldn't issue death threats to people when they pushed her from behind. She has to work on that, you know.

Unfortunately for Dad, there was a burlesque show during the break. Unfortunately for me I had no help sheilding their innocent little eyes from buxom women ripping each other's clothes off. I told him to cover his eyes. This is his half-hearted attempt. Nothing was really exposed, and the kids had their backs turned. I hear the roller derby will be getting more family friendly.

I thought in the car about how fun it would be to be a roller derby girl. I could do it if I wasn't scared of pain, could skate really fast, had no problems showing my black panties to strangers, didn't cry when I got a run in my stocking, and was any good at sports. Yep. Then I could do it.