BEWARE!

A little tidbit about my kids. They are allergic to the outdoors. Well, not entirely allergic. They only seem to swell up with the hives and burst into trembling fits of drama if I suggest that they play outside. Today, I demanded that they play outside. I should have had my phone set for the suicide hotline (or the daytime emmy nominating committee), because demanding they play outside poses risks more incredible than I could even imagine.

"Mahahahahmeeee! I don't wahahn't to plaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy on the swihinghinghingset, cause Nellie poohoohoopt by it-uh!"
(So she had to get two bags and clean it up herself.)
"You just wahahant me to bahaahaarf! You haaaattte meeee-uh!"
(Then she cleaned it up.)
She sat next to me bawling. I was telling her that we just had to get outside for a bit, get some vitamin D.
"I Haaaaatttee vitamin D!"
So I launched into one of my little lectures about whining, and learning how to express yourself in a way that will get what you want, and how it's good for kids to get outdoors daily.....
"Mom! Stop Talking! The mosquitos are coming! And they're attracted to CAR-BON-DEE-OX-IDE!"
The kid literally had tears on her neck from crying so hard about having to play outside. I almost fell out of my chair laughing. Such a cruel mama.
Anyway, a minute later a monarch landed on our butterfly bush and all was right with the world. They even ventured outside of the chain link fence to view it and forgot about the war zone they were in. Children are so resilient.