and I'm a blog addict.
My 12 Steps
1. First, admit I have a problem. My dog is whining, my kids are fighting, and the laundry is getting sour, and I don't know what time it is (or day for that matter) but I can tell you the results of Mike Huckabee's last colonoscopy, and how many speeches Fred Thompson has given since declaring his candidacy (14). That's not good, especially compared to Romney's 78, who had a religious colonoscopy live on the air last week. And how I think it's creepy that Ron Paul is the new Ross Perot. RP. I wonder what their middle names are. Irwin? Ivan? Why do I care? Cause I'm a blog addict. I just admitted it. Step one, folks. Keep up.
2. Find a method to control the problem. Today I closed the computer up in the armoire. Then Josie wanted to play a game. So I opened it up. I knew she would be on it for a while, so I made sure to check my email before she started just in case Jesus came down from the heavens and the only way he could contact me was through Mozilla Thunderbird. I noticed there was a message from somebody from one of my old yahoo groups, who was not actually Jesus, but who got me thinking anyway. Not about my salvation but about yahoo groups in general. I set out looking for one for homeschooling mothers with daughters with aspergers who have brother's with bizarre habits and like to make up crap. I found it. Shadowkids. It's a group for parents of kids with syndromes that are as of yet unnamed, are mild, and look like other things. You know like Funkychickenosis, Dorkilococcus Borius, and my favorite Spastic Hypertyrantism (usually first appears at the age of 2. There's no cure until they get their first apartment.)
3. Next get my ass away from the bedroom, where lurks said computer, like a pusher and a drug all at the same time. I decided my new center of operation should be the kitchen. I got it very clean and mopped the floor. I thought about things I could cook and wondered if there were any good recipes on the web I hadn't checked out. Fortunately my kids were on the computer at the time, and the urge passed before I forcibly removed them from the chair, claiming that screens melt your brain. My kids are very lucky that I really don't like to follow recipes.
4. Play guitar. Of course this could be a problem, since it is another thing I do obsessively, and I like to surf for tabs online.
5. Draw. Could be a problem too, for the same reason of obsession as stated above. I look for material from which to draw on Google image searches.
6. Delete all my favorite blogs from the drop down menu. After I've booted the kids off RollerCoaster Tycoon and checked these blogs of course. But now it's like my favorite blogs are on a high shelf, and I have to stand on a chair in order to reach them. Typing is such a bitch, you know. And if I have to type in the name of the blog, then that's total premeditation.
7. Blissfully ignore the fact that I have a blogroll over there. That makes my favorite blogs pretty easy to access, but it would hurt the blogs' feelings if I deleted them. Add to that the fact that when the bloggers I visit online check their traffic tomorrow, they will find their visits from Knoxville have gone down significantly. Losing my traffic alone could drop them down a tier. I shouldn't say that.
8. Ask for forgiveness. For dropping you guys from my drop-down menu.
9. Realize nobody really gives a crap.
10. Breathe deep. Sit up straight in a proud Posture of Self-Reliance. It's good that no one gives a crap. They won't miss me. I am free.
11. Breathe out slowly, and gradually fall into the Slouch of Despondency, because no one gives a crap, and they won't miss me. I am inconsequential.
12. Replace my blog addiction with Crystal Lite and Vodka.
13. Big problem. There are 13 steps in my 12 step program. I must check in daily to see if anyone has sent me comments of support, or mixed drink recipes, or invited me to a yahoo group, or has any advice on breaking the habit, or wants to tell me that they give a crap, or to discuss Mike Huckabee's acid reflux.....
(Hey. I was just kidding about the Crystal Lite and vodka thing. I think Crystal Lite is terrible.)