Today I had a little talk with a little old man at the grocery store. He was sent to give me perspective. He strolled up next to me in one of those ride on carts and asked if I was finding any good deals. I said I had stopped paying attention to the price when my kids had gotten so picky, as I reached for the giant elbow macaroni. He asked me how many I was feeding. I said two kids, a boy and a girl. He looked at me and said "Enjoy them. They grow up fast and leave, and you'll miss them." I told him I was planning on enjoying my children, and that I homeschool them, and work hard at having fun with them while I teach them. He told me about his kids and grandkids while I made sure we cleared a good path for the fourteen people trapped behind us. He also told me that he lost his wife last year to a brain tumor and that she died suddenly and unexpectedly. I watched his eyes mist over a bit there, and there's just about nothing sadder than watching an old man swallow down tears. He told me I should make sure and get out into the community and do volunteer work with the kids, get to know more people and try new things. He said no one should just putter around the house. I guess you can see that we talked quite a while.
The truth is that I haven't been appreciating my kids properly. You might think differently when you read my blog, but all the frustrations are weeded out and I show you the highlights. I don't regularly admit that sometimes I sit them down in front of the TV for two hours so I can mindlessly surf the web, or communicate with people that are really just stories and names and personas. And that I sometimes can't communicate with the people that I just parked in front of the TV.
It also seems that I am always running off to another room when my husband comes around. See, he makes me forget the important chore I was about to do when he disarms me with hugs or jokes or chatter about work and hobbies, and Zombie dreams. Tonight I gladly gave up half an hour and tied up store traffic to talk to an elderly stranger, and my husband who promised to love me forever got the brush off because I was afraid I would forget to clip my toenails if I stopped for a kiss.
It's all a bit more in perspective right now.
I told Ray that it was okay by me if he grew old and died first. I would never want him to be a lonely old man. I hope he knew that was my own strange way of saying I love him, and would rather suffer myself than to think he would be lost and alone. I also am reminded that the whole 'til death do us part is just about the most powerful statement of love a person could make. Our hands will be joined when one of us passes long years from now.
I love my family. And I can't make memories without really enjoying the present.
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2 comments:
That was just beautiful! A few years back when we were still living in apartments I was very late to work because as I was leaving my neighbor grabbed me and was crying so hard. His wife had just died and the paramedics were wheeling her out (they too were a senior couple) work didn't matter at the moment, this poor old man who lost his world needed someone. Something like that really does change your perspective, you were given a great gift...
We have talked twice today and I hadn't read your blog yet. When he said to volunteer in the community all I could think of was Molly Dueschele and her kids. When two of them were small she took them once a week to a nursing home and just visited with the residents. Jake & Josie's mission in life may be just to talk. They talk to everyone and maybe they would help an older person in a nursing home reconnect with someone. I know this would be hard, to take the kids and know what would happen, but it might be something. You are good at empathizing and maybe the kids would provide a distraction for someone.
Your dad said this post made him cry.
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