"Pushing" and "Snapping"

Today we did a little role playing so that they could get a better understanding of what they are doing to instigate fights, and how to change in order to prevent them. It seems to me (and some unfortunate teachers along the way) that my childrens' favorite pastimes are getting into fighting matches, or in Jake's case, screaming like the Bride of Frankenstein (with sound added of course) over the smallest perceived infraction. He also takes after me in one particular way. At times I appear to have endless patience while underneath I am just trying to keep from exploding, and eventually I do explode. And since I'm the adult, I must have the willpower to prevent myself from inflicting harm on anybody. Jake's response to aggravation is to first scream at it, then push it, followed by stomping or biting ( he rarely causes any injury, he just runs out of options and doesn't know how to get her attention). Most of the time the aggravation does not go away, since she's usually sitting next to him playing "Spyro", and is delighted by the sensory stimulation all of this yelling and pushing gives her.

So after an incident this morning involving all of the above, I took my kids into the kitchen and did a little role-playing. I told Josie that she couldn't change Jake, that she could just try to stop doing the things that cause him to snap. I told her that she just pushes too much. She asked me "what is pushing." This was fun to perform. I told Jake to stand still while I poked him in the chest and said "Neener neener" over and over. I instructed him to tell me to stop and I would. So he did tell me to stop. Of course I didn't stop. I just poked and poked and neenered until he was a bit angry and confused, he didn't scream or bite me of course, but she got what pushing meant. So I said "See, you push him like that, and then you just won't stop because you're having so much fun aggravating him. Then he snaps." Then she said "but I don't know what you mean by 'snaps'. " This was really fun to perform. I started out very calmly. "Okay Josie, please don't bother your brother anymore. Josie? Do you hear me? Didn't I just say stop it? Josie? DO THAT ONE MORE TIME I'M GONNA TWIST YOUR NOSE OFF YOUR FACE AND MAKE YOU EAT IT!!!" After the laughter subsided, I asked them if they understood how they could change how they were acting, and they said yes. I also told them that I wasn't here to help them resolve all of their fights, and they would have to handle it themselves. If they needed any Neosporin it was in the bottom left-hand drawer in my bathroom by the band-aids.

Right now they are in the basement practicing snapping. They begin by speaking very calmly, then making absurd threats at the top of their lungs. I don't know if they have gathered any conflict-resolution skills from my lecture, but they may have created a new and even more annoying game.