Can We Have at Least One Normal Conversation Around Here?

Me: "Geez, the dog is pooping a lot. Imagine what the yard would be like if we had three dogs!"

Jake: "Yeah. What if we had three dogs but we could only think of one name and we gave them all the same name and they were twins?"

How can a person string together so many words that mean absolutely nothing? And why does it make me so insanely irritated? Maybe it's because my answer would have to be something like this:

Me: "First of all, if we had three dogs they would definitely have different names. Secondly, three offspring born at the same time from the same mom are called triplets. Thirdly, weren't we talking about dog-to-poop ratios? How is your response even on topic?"

I guess it irritates me because I would have to think of these things and verbalize them and get to the end of the sentence before being interrupted by a child who is not really listening but thinking up the next absurd thing to say.

So I just continue to pick up poop and breathe shallowly through my mouth.

Heaven Help Me

This is Petey. He's a superstar. See the number "1" on his head? His big dream is to be on the big screen. His agent says he has to lose 10 pounds first.

We're Weird

So I wanted to teach my children to count change, and understand the process of adding sales tax, and a bit about managing money. So I created a little game. It's simple really. Both of my children were given characters to play. Josie is an intergalactic herpetologist, entymologist, and ornithologist, which makes her particularly suited to the task of saving the six legged, feathered, reptilian Petulax from extinction on the planet Occulo. Got that? Jake is an intergalactic trapper. He has to capture the petulax humanely and find them a better environment in which to live. I gave them a list of supplies, an income and money to spend. I run a store called Itchy Moe's. That's where they purchase supplies. Josie asked if she could donate her change to Save the Petulax, she's decorating a donation box. Jake gets to use his gun and holster too. I thought I would have to force them to do the whole store thing and try to make it fun, but instead the whole game has taken on a life of it's own. Josie got on the phone with her dad. "Hey Dad! I'm Josie Ninevo, from the planet Occulo. I'm trying to save the petulax from extinction!"

You'll Shoot Yer Eye Out!

Loading the magazine.

Racking the slide.

Josie presenting a proper stance.

(These are AirSoft guns of course. The children were instructed not to shoot Mom, Dad, each other, the dog, the rats, or the cat. I also reminded them that the engraved crystal champagne flutes on the mantle were actually very special to me. They are wearing protective eye gear too. )

So Wasteful

Today I had some little friends over and they played outside. I had all the fans in the house going, the music on the sound system playing, half-eaten bags of chips all over the place, and the air conditioning was on with the doors open. But environmentally conscious friends would be happy to know that the kiddie pool the children were playing in was mostly filled with dog saliva.

Reason # 11

Nurse Ratched would love these. (They are currently out of the Lobotomy referral forms due to high demand.)

Politically Correct Play

Conversation overheard while children played:

Josie: In Girl World they only eat ice cream.

Jake: In Boy World too!

Josie: I'm talking about Girl World, Jake.

Jake: It's Boy and/or Girl World, Josie!

We Got Some Books in Spanish Today

This is Good Night Moon, of course.

These are the three little bears sitting on chairs. I didn't know Good Night Moon had so many words.

Curious George (Jorge Curioso), is very wordy.

Strange Little Road Trip

We drove out to Jonesboro to listen to Billy Jonas last night. He's much more fun to listen to on the radio. If we go next year we'll bring some lawn chairs. People just sit and watch and it's very, shall we say, dull. Anyway, we decided it woudl be nice to see aunt Monica, so we drove to Elizabethton and they acted like pretty little savages that needed to go to bed. We stayed for about an hour then drove home.

BTW.....People in the Tri-Cities area drive very slowly.

Dead Mole

Nellie brought us a present.

We wrapped it up and buried it by the rhodedendron in the side garden.

We washed our hands afterward.

Volcano of Milk, Chicken, and Turkey

This is for kitty. We can't find him. Maybe he's afraid we'll make him eat it.

Update: Kitty found. Really enjoyed his treat.

Nellie and Her Happy 5 Month Birthday

I think I'm gonna be sick.

I really think I'm gonna be sick.

Here is Nellie eating her "birthday" cake. Here are the instructions for making this fabulous flavor sensation. Begin with two milkbones, one green, one brown. Grind them up in a coffee grinder until they become a fine powder. Add two different kinds of puppy food, some peanut butter, oatmeal, and prepared pancake batter. Bake in a greased ramekin (sp?) for 30 minutes at 300. When cool, frost with peanut butter and sprinkle puppy food on top. Smells really good. Don't eat it. Give it to the puppy and take pictures, put funny captions under the pictures.

Mix it up nice!

No puppies were harmed ( and no chunks were blown) in the making of this cake.

Animal Treats with Whitney

What is this you may ask? It is a muffin especially for rats, created by my neice Whitney. Here's the recipe: 1/4C birdseed, 1/4C dog food, 3Tbsp peanut butter, 1/2 a pack of oatmeal, 1/2C prepared pancake mix, add a little honey. Put in greased mini muffin cups, and bake at 350 for 15 minutes. Makes a dozen little ratty treats. Max and Petey really loved them, and we have plenty in the freezer for later.

Just for Fun

This is what my kids chose to learn yesterday while I did other things: Jake learned to brew coffee for me. He also poured me a cup and put Splenda and milk in it for me. He got a cup for himself too and drank the whole thing. He played a math computer game which is geared for 3rd and 4th graders, but he doesn't know that, he just picked the game he liked. Josie rolled around on the floor upstairs while we translated words and sentences into German for about 45 minutes. Now we know puppy is "Welpe" and her tail is an "Endstuck" (there's an umlaute over the "u"). So we remember it as "end-stick", and we laughed and laughed. We also learned the names of common birds. Finch is "Fink". Josie went to OT, then we went to the Birds on Wheels presentation at the library. After Ray got home, I went to Target. When I got back, Josie had filled my wheelbarrow with lava rocks so that I could take them down to the side-patio. That's no small feat. They caught fireflies when the sun went down, and we discovered a frog hanging out on the porch by the door.

Why We're Cutting School

1.) I think sitting quietly in a chair for 7 hours a day doing what the teacher says supresses a true love of learning. ( My kids discovered this way before I did.)

2.) Kids can not be useful people while housed in a school all day. They need to know that they have a function at home and in the community.

3.) Giftedness is a disability in public schools. If you can read the word "revolution" without a pause in the first grade, why spend the next three years studying phonics, and spelling "house", "dog", "watch" etc.?

4.) Intense interests can not be encouraged in a school setting. If Sally spends all day practicing piano scales in her mind, how is she going to get her book report done? If she puts aside her fixations to finish her homework, will she realize her dream to be a great musician? Why is a child's interest less important than a school's reading program?

5.) Besides the three "R's", (which my kids got a good start on before they even entered a classroom), what useful knowledge is taught only in school that has a major positive impact on a person's life? How much can be gained by teaching those things out of the classroom in the real world?

6.)Because I think that the whole notion that "life is tough" and children need to learn it early is a bunch of bull. Call me radical, but I think life is fun. I think you grow up and pick a good career and make money so you can have a good time with it. What adult does work for no discernable reward? Even charitable work is done for a sense of well-being, and adults pick which charitable activity to pursue based upon the joy it gives us personally. Who said life had to be tough? Who said you can't decide for yourself where you want to be? My children probably won't be a coal miners. My children will get to decide how much stress and hard work they want to deal with in order to achieve their goals.
Besides, school never teaches you to deal with real stresses outside of the classroom. There are a bunch of tough lessons in life that are unavoidable, but we don't run away, our survival depends on being able to deal with these difficulties. I accept these tough parts of life because I love them and without them I wouldn't be happy. School doesn't teach you to deal with a marriage, a mortgage, two bright and challenging children. School doesn't teach you how to get along with extended family, or even your immediate family. Schools disattach children from all of those vital things. Any wonder why people spend so many post-college years trying to "find" themselves?

7.) Because I think that school is the worst place to learn "social skills" As an adult, if I find myself in a situation where I'm in a gated environment surrounded by people of my exact age, who spend all their "free" time forming groups based race, class, and looks, spreading rumors, and excluding people who don't speak the lingo, I RUN THE OTHER WAY! That's pretty much the reason I moved last year. My neighborhood was too much like high-school. I saw one mother sit by while her daughter whispered to her friend while pointing at my child. It was acceptable to this attractive former third grade teacher, for this kind of painful social experience to occur. Whose self-esteem benefits here?

8.) Because there is no understanding of true diversity of thinking in the classroom. Learning about diversity in a school setting requires labeling people by superficial appearances. The pretty girl spends her life defining herself by her prettiness, and her superiority, and ends up hanging on to this false self into adulthood. The "nerd" developes a kind of "them" and "me" attitude, becoming a cynic and stunting personal inner growth. The effeminate boy is labeled "gay", suddenly his sexuality is in question before he is even mature enough to fully aware of the concept. Where's the choice there? I never attended a school where black and white kids mingled effortlessly. It seemed like smart kids were tracked together. Black kids were in another "track". Poor kids were in the vocational school. I saw these kinds of segregation clearly from the time I entered middle school. Administrators put kids on these paths, while all of the time preaching to equality, tolerance, and understanding to the kids. I had no idea what all of these children's inner thoughts were. Who they were as people. Just the label they wore that helped them survive the machine.

9.) Because when my gifted daughter enters a classroom, she suddenly becomes a child with Asperger's syndrome. When my bright and happy little boy sits in class, he becomes so unable to concentrate I was beginning to see that ADD diagnosis on the horizon. How come they did so well at home? Because hovering over worksheets under fluorescent lights, with a teacher droning on and on, and playing shut up and listen or else, is no way to learn about the world.

10.) Because I am an oppositional pain in the rear who hates paperwork and IEP meetings. Gets frustrated by psychologists that don't get it and administrators with their agendas. Who doesn't want to give over her kids to anybody else, because no expert has ever convinced me that they have some magic formula that is better than mine will make my children thrive and achieve and be happy.

Eagle Kite

This kite has an eight foot wing span. We bought it at Sam's for $3.98. Josie named it Flappy. There's been very little wind the past couple of days, so she's resorted to throwing Flappy down the driveway.

Math Card Game

We played the math card game. Jake-3 Mom-0. Josie thinks card games are stupid. It's going to be hard to get her to play it, but if I show her that we're keeping a tally and there might be an award at the end of June, perhaps I can get her to play.

We played two games of addition and one of subtraction. Jake did very well.

Morning Math

Today Josie and Jake counted to 102 by sixes. I don't think I could have done that at their age. Jake had no trouble with this, and they both thought it was fun. I have a math game that I read about on a homeschooler's site that uses two decks of playing cards. They may enjoy it when they are in the mood to play a game. Each player has a deck of cards with the face cards removed. They begin by laying down two cards a piece. They add their own cards. Whoever has the highest sum wins that round and gets to collect the other players cards. The game is over when the decks are used up. Whoever has the most cards at the end of the game wins. You can play it with subtraction and multiplication too. I could let them use calculators and they could play division-style. That would teach them about decimals. There's also a fraction version, but that may give me a brain hemorrage.

Birds on Wheels

Exotic birds at the Cedar Bluff Library at 4pm on June 8th.

Billy Jonas in Jonesboro

I love this guy! If you haven't heard him, your really in for a treat. It's all rhythm and sing-along. Really cool. So mark you calendars.

It's a great show for the whole family. From what it says on the website, the show starts at 7pm, June 9th.

Another Idea

We can also check out area fairs, festivals, and concerts. I'll find the calendars and provide the links. This is all just a desperate attempt to get my friends to read my blog. I just love attention.

Local Field Trip Suggestions

Here are some ideas that were tossed about for us to do this summer. Mayfield Dairy, Tuckaleechee Caverns, Sweetwater Farms Dairy, the Knoxville Zoo, Rainforest Adventure, The Lost Sea, the fountains at Volunteer Landing and the World's Fair Park, The Arboretum near Oak Ridge with a trip to the lakeside park near the Bull Run plant, the beach at the Cove Park, Cades Cove, Icearium................... any more ideas and you can post them in the comments.