Numbers are Colors

It's called color-graphemic synesthesia, and it's the most common type of synesthesia. I think my daughter has it. Lately she's been saying the strangest things. Yesterday she told me that February was her favorite month. I asked her if it was because of Valentine's day. She said no to that and told me that she likes February because it makes her think of the number 16, and she loves that number. I didn't ask her what color 16 is to her, because I didn't know she was associating months with numbers and colors...but it just seemed like one of her autistic-like behaviors so I went on and didn't think about it. Today she was doing her math and 750 was the answer. She was happy about that because apparently 750 is also one of her favorite numbers. She told me that it made her think of her favorite colors, blue and orange, and that they are complimentary. I think 50 is blue and 7 is orange. 16 is hot pink and so is February, naturally. I don't think I want to tell her that other people don't think of colors when they see numbers or hear the name of a month. I'll continue to investigate it covertly, without her realizing that she is different in some way, and I don't want her to start making things up for attention. That's not part of her personality though.

If You Love A Geek

These dudes may sound familiar.

Whoops.

If it's an anti-capitalist summit, why are they charging starving people $7 a plate? I guess if you want some evil capitalist pig to donate his dirty money to your cause you have to have some starving children around, you know, some really desperate ones.

Tell me. Who paid for the seeds that grew into food? Who bought it? Who processed it? Who prepared it? I would bet there was a merchant involved somewhere. The same evil capitalists that donate to causes all over the world to help these kids...while socialist elites congratulate themselves over wine and cheese.

Dissection Kit

This set only costs about $40! I thought this kind of thing would be way more expensive. You get a fetal pig, frog, perch, crayfish, grasshopper, clam, starfish, and whatever a Grantia is, you get one of those too. The kit includes the book and all of the tools for dissecting. There is a set of nine animal specimens for about $14. I know some kids who would love to come over for a creepy little science party at my house.

Letters to Any Soldier

These are the things we sent yesterday. The soldiers like getting drawings and handwritten letters and I figured the kids would really enjoy this project. I wrote a little page of rules for writing letters to soldiers -giving them ideas on what to say and what not to say. On Monday we sent some drawings and Josie made a little card that has little flowers with smiley faces that pop-up when it's opened. I sent a lot of hygeine products to one unit that had only a few women and were suffering from a lack of these necessary things. It also gave me a chance to explain to Josie what they were for, which, not surprisingly, she took in stride. To another unit we sent a bunch of snacks and candy and fitness magazines. Next time we do this, I'll have the customs forms filled out before we get in line at the post office. It was a feel-good project we will do again.

Cringeing Through American Idol

I admit to never having seen American Idol before this season. Not a big admission, I admit. Anyway, I've discovered that I am a nervous eater. The way my kitchen is laid out makes it possible for me to stand behind the pantry door and eat Doritos and I can still peek around the dividing wall in the kitchen and catch half of the TV screen. That makes the train wreck a bit less gory. Now I need to figure out how to half-plug my ears while eating Doritos and poking my head out occasionally. This is also the method I've begun to employ when watching State of the Union addresses.

Roomba

Well, it's official. When it warms up a bit, I'm shaving my dog bald. The roomba works really well on hardwood floors. So far we could build about three medium sized bunnies with all the hair we have had to dump out of the thing, even with me brushing the dog every day and discarding at least two handfuls. My kids look like Yetis and I can't keep a lint remover roll for more than two weeks.

Today's Project

Today I am going to get two addresses from anysoldier.com for lessons in following directions, writing, math, and social studies.

1.We'll find out what items our soldiers need and want, go to the store and get boxes for mailing.

2.For math, we'll estimate how many items we can fit in that box, then we'll add up the weights of the items with a calculator to come up with how many ounces we have, divide by 16 to get lbs, and go online to print postage.

3.For writing, the kids will think up some nice things to say to their soldier and do a little art.

4. For a bit of logic, we may do a little study in understanding by helping them figure out why our soldier may want particular items like baby wipes, foot powder, or water flavoring packets.

5. For some geography and social studies, we'll locate on a map the country in which our soldier is stationed, then later today when they are doing other things I will try to find out about the positive things that are being done by our military and civilians in that area, and at dinner tell the kids what I've learned.

Update: Can't print the postage online. Have to fill out a customs form at the post office. This little project is taking us all day. I'm not complaining though, there are worse things than standing in line at post offices and filling out forms.

Brooms Make Good Kindling

Yesterday I was complaining about all the pet hair in the house. I told Ray that I had resigned myself to vacuuming twice a day, and brushing the animals once a day. This morning he went to Sear's and got me an early birthday present. He couldn't wait to give me my gift, so I allowed this. Yay! I got me a good man. It's charging. I'll be letting you know how it's working. Maybe we'll have a broom-burning party!

Little Miss Sunshine

So I rented it and watched it in bed. What a great movie. The soundtrack was so intriguing, I bought it. Here's the site for the soundtrack. Listen to "'Til the End of Time". Devotchka is from Denver (I wonder if my Colorado cousin has been to see them?) The other song that I heard on Amazon is called "Dearly Departed" and it's on another album How it Ends ( which I also purchased). It's number 8.

Anyway, forgive me if I'm late discovering this band. Too much talk radio.

Okay, it's late, and I'm sick, and I need to go to bed. I have been getting my fluids though, if 32oz of Afrin counts as water.

Just Cause You Got Money, Don't Mean You Got Taste

If I had a bunch of readers, I would open a competition to name these butt ugly jeans. I think the name Butt Ugly Jeans would be fitting. You should see the butt on them. I didn't think Nordstrom would thrust these abominations on an unsuspecting public.

Maybe the zipper hooks to your bra? Or you cut some holes in the pockets and put your arms through for quick DIY overalls? Or maybe they're made like that to protect you from wedgies. There's just no way they can go any higher.

"We at Nordstrom do not want to give our customers the impression that we actually like these jeans, or that our model enjoyed wearing them, so we paired them with some nifty geriatric tan flea market mocs. We also made sure to choose the can i go now? pose for the model as if she were planning to run away at any moment, leaving the jeans behind her. We are selling them for 130 dollars a pair though, because we figure if you're fool enough to like them, you probably shouldn't be responsible for too many big bills."

Photos by Carie Thompson

Our kitty Sammy

Me and my Jake

Nellie the family dog.

Petey the Rat. He's cute. You just have to get past your prejudices and quit being so narrow- minded.

Moi et Petey.

Mi Amore.

I'll let you see my darling daughter's hair.

Dancing.

A flower for you.

Non-Stop Video Games

If I didn't limit their video game playing, I think they would become cyborgs. I heard a Canadian comedian on the satellite radio, Johnny Munro, who was talking about babysitting his nephew who was a little video game addict. Roughly....

"So I decided to try a little psychology with him. I told him I had a brand-new, 3-D, virtual reality game for him, then I strapped some ski-googles on him and sent him outside. I guess the joke was on me though, two hours later the cops show up and he'd already stolen a car and beaten up a hooker."

Well at least my kids are off the streets.

Rudyard Kipling's "Just So" Stories

I very truly must make a high recomendation to all my families to read some Just So Stories aloud to their most 'satiable curtious children. Specially the one about the Elephant and how he got his trunk by the great- green- greasy Limpopo river. Have a little spot of hot tea next to you when you do this, because it is most very 'ceedingly difficult to say some of the long-windy words. When you read how the Leopard got his spots, you can also learn how the Etiopian decided to turn brown. Truly, best Beloved, it is most 'ceedingly fun.

Making a Mountain out of a Mole

Michelle Malkin has excised something insignificant that got all blown out of proportion by the White House press corps, who apparently have nothing better to investigate.

I think Laura Bush may be constipated. Let's hold a press conference and get a proctologist here quickly. We need to see her latest colonoscopy. We have questions, lots of questions.

The hilarity of the situation is that if Mrs. Bush became a spokeswoman for squamous cell carcinoma, the press would be all over Tony Snow interrogating him about whether this was an important health issue, and why the First Lady wasn't out campaigning against Aids in Africa with Bono or something.

Our Trip to the Nursing Home

Today our little co-op went to the nursing home to visit and pass out Christmas cards. The look on the patients' faces will stay with me for a long time. Many of them took a while to recognize that there was a little person in front of them. But then a kid would put a card in their hand (or drop it in their lap) and say Merry Christmas. That empty look would leave some of their faces, and Grandpa or Grandma would emerge for a short while and they would smile and say "Well, bless your heart" or "Merry Christmas" or "You come back any time and see Nanny, okay?". A few of the patients would just smile.

One lady I won't forget for a long time. She was walking slowly down the hall with an aid beside her and two of the kids went running up to her and handed her their cards. We were all standing outside a room where an old woman who seemed to be pretty lucid was giving away free hugs to our littlest member (two). When the children came back to us, the walking lady followed. Tears were streaming down her nose, and she just stood among us crying like that. She asked for more cards, and the kids just kept giving them to her.

While we were waiting for the world's slowest elevator to carry us down a floor, the kids were singing "Jingle Bells". A very hunched-over woman with a walker sang the whole thing with us, rocking a little, and grinning.

Our trip ended with some boisterous tree-climbing in the front yard. A man in the lobby watched them the whole time.

I so truly wish them all a Merry Christmas, and pray that they have families that will visit them often. If not, I hope our loud, irreverent little kids helped just a little.

As an aside: Old people need little kids around, and little kids need to be there for them too, and all of us in the middle need to make sure that happens, whether our hearts can take it or not. (I mean, the kids were happy, the elderly patients seemed happy to have them, and here I am crying about it.)

Homeschooling for the Bloody Capitalist

The real world is a place where people get paid for their labor. I've decided my kids will get paid for theirs too. For the kids should enjoy learning and doing for its own sake crowd, please start formulating your arguments now, and I heartily promise to ignore them.

From now on if my kids read 10 books, come and tell me about all of them, choose one and write a good one page book report about it they get $5. If it is an especially neat page of writing, they get an extra $1.

If they learn their times tables and take a test and pass, they get $3 for each test passed. They can only take one test a week. There will be no test on 1x. Duh.

They will have to pay me for TV time and computer and playstation time. 50 cents for each 30 minute increment. Educational TV and computer is free. If they write a page about what they learned on TV or on the PC, then they receive $2.

For Jake a day without whining or screaming nets him $2. If he does either of these things he pays me $2. I will keep a sheet on this so if he goes in the hole, he'll have a little lesson on credit and collections.

Same for Josie about using a nice tone of voice.

From now on they buy all of their toys and candy themselves. Christmas doesn't count. Gifts from Grandmas and Grandpas etc. don't count either.

Later, I may get into them taking a loan out from us in order to buy a big item if they don't have enough, but I think that's a concept more for the 11 and above crowd.

Fire away.

Roamin' Joe and J.C. Discover Florida

Greetings from the Atlanta Airport where we awaiteth our second flight at Delta Airlines gate 36B. We arriveth in Atlanta approximately 35 minutes after leaving Knoxville, and travelleth about 450 miles across the Atlanta Airport to get to our lonesome gate, located in a janitor's closet. Despiteth the long-journey, the Christ Child and I did enjoyeth the tram, it sure beateth the donkey.
It seems Delta airlines prefereth J.C. to be seatetheth over the wing. Quite accustomed to seeing the landscapes from on high, he crieth not. The children did spy a manta ray in the water, and were well-pleased.

After our kind hosts' children enjoyeth a short nap, a delicious meal of lasagna, a trip to RonJon surf shop where provisions of a frisbee that gloweth and a bucket for sand were purchasedeth, we wearily proceededeth to the causeway to view the launching of the shuttle. Lil' J.C. and I haileth from a warm middle-eastern desert climate, and were quite pleased to know that Florida was a warm place too. Imagineth our surprise when the temperature droppeth to 50 degrees. We were unable to find clothes for the Christ Child, but again he crieth not. Our hosts girl-child found this exciting trip quite exhausting and began performing her best Linda Blair meets Charlie Babbitt impression while trying to pee in the bushes. We assured her that, being a good Lutheran, her Grandmother has not goneth over to the dark side and is not evil, an empty bladder is a joyful bladder, and if you don't want strangers bearing flashlights to shineth them on you in your most private of moments it is very important to shutteth one's pie-hole.



So freezing as we were, the elders were delighted to hear the sounds of a child's lullaby twinkling towards us. Hark? What cometh across the fields? A fine musical chariot carrying ice cream. What perfect timing.And lo, the boy child walketh away bearing a fudge-cicle, and the girl child contenteth herself with an eskimo bar. ( Lil' J.C. considereth purchasing an ice cream truck, for many suffering children did come unto it that night.)



Why are we in a bucket of sand do you ask? At the last moment of our suffering, NASA scrappeth the launch, and we returneth to a comfortable place upside-down in the soil. (The bucket did not sell.)
Our journey was not for naught. After a good night's slumber, and a breakfast of coffee cake we headeth out to Trappman's Market to buy some blue crab. We were comforted to learn that the fish were so fresh here that they had to slap them. Our gentile hosts greatly enjoy the meat of the crab. Fourteen were brought home in a cooler. The girl-child loveth the crab in a petly way, but alas she did submit to the wishes of her elders and placeth the crustaceans in a boiling pot. Later she gleefully cracketh the shells along with her less-animal attached brother and a great feast of stewed corn, shrimp, potatoes amd crabmeat was enjoyed by all.


It was a good and enlightening experience to be in Florida. We saw many feathered creatures of the air, that can not be seen in Tennessee. We spied spoonbills, egrets, cranes, and a small blue vireo. We chaseth an alligator into a pond, and scareth a great white crane who took wing above our heads in glorious flight. Our tribe also plucketh orange fruit straight from the tree and this morning as we write the juices floweth over our chin and sticketh on our neck. The childrens' mother forgetteth her camera often, but did not turn back, for she prefereth to view life through her eyes rather than through a lens. If thou desireth to see, thou must purchaseth thine own plane ticket.

Our journey is complete and we departeth with the lovely image of Izzy kissing a crustaceon. Verily, there are finer things in this world than the viewing of a shuttle. More shuttles will launch, and though we always look for moments with fire and great roaring flames that will be seared in our memories, it is truly the everyday delights that flicker by into the past without our notice that bring us happiness, then we find ourselves with a smile on our face and we hardly know why.

Trip to AMSE Grossology

It wasn't a program. It was a room full of interactive games. There was also a climbing wall that was supposed to look like skin. Kids were supposed to climb from the scab to the mole to the wart etc. There was a video game cabinet that had "Urine, the Game" written on it. Josie played it. The object of the game is to make sure the right things pass out with the urine. She made sure the sugar and the red blood cells stayed in the system. There was a giant animatronic talking faucet in a bathrobe with a perpetually dripping nose. We learned a lot of interesting things about mucus from him. I couldn't bring myself to play the Guess the Smell game. I saw the buttons to push though. One of them said "anus". Also we learned a bit about the process that causes one to vomit. If you push the buttons for brain, stomach, esophagus, and mouth in order, the cartoon character will blow chunks and the lucky kid recieves a standing ovation. The burp-maker was neat. Pump enough soda-pop into the inbred hick and he will burp for you. Pump some more and he will let out a long screaming fart. Very educational.

Also met some cool, down-to earth, homeschooling moms and their very pleasant children.

We're Going to Grossology

We'll be meeting a bunch of other homeschoolers there hopefully. I'll report back and tell you how it went. I may not actually watch the program though. I'm not much into gross.